Somewhere between giving birth and becoming a mother I found myself again. Not that I had been really lost beforehand. But pieces of me were missing. My style and artistic self expression had been lacking. The last time prior to motherhood I had felt like myself in my own skin was on my wedding day. But it shouldn't take a major occasion to prompt one to reconcile the image they see in the mirror to the person they know to be inside that face, that body.
If my plan was to teach my child and future children to develop and maintain a strong sense of sense self, and to be confident in who they are, then what kind of example would I be providing if I hid away all of my aesthetic preferences and dressed as someone else would... something a responsible, professional person would wear. Interestingly enough I act more responsible and professional, and well, confident when I know I look like the person I feel myself to be. In fact I am finally able to forget about my appearance 99% of the time and focus on the people I choose to spend my time with. I say this a lot about my new realizations and experiences but it really is a freeing feeling. Funny how as I take on more commitments in my life I feel more free. It's been all about a shift in the type of commitments I'm willing to make.
I commit to my husband and my son. To being a wife and a mother. I commit to writing and reading daily, whether I feel inspired to or not. I commit to my dreams and my future. To my art. And yet I feel like I have wings not chains or handcuffs. I am not tied down. Sometimes permanence provides the most freedom.
