Friday, November 9, 2012

How I Revive

   I am an introvert. I can fake otherwise when needed, but really, it's in my bones. In some ways to an extreme. I know I've written on this before, but one of those ways is my core need for alone time. Completely alone. Not just "we'll give you some space" but all the way alone. What I do doesn't change for the most part, during that time, but what a lot of people don't understand is the basic level of mental and emotional work involved for an introvert that comes with knowing that there's a slight chance someone might hear what your listening to or walk through the room your in to get to the bathroom. It is really ridiculous in some ways  but I've found it to be true. The best example I can think of for this is my varying degrees of comfort and rest during my child's nap time. When he is actually all the way in a deep sleep (quick moment of thanks for video monitors), we're at home just the two of us I can do just about anything I feel like doing aside from blasting loud music or movies, but listening/watching is an option. Reading. A relaxing bath. Working out. A lot of great things are options. But I still feel trapped and worried. And let me just say that going up to get him after his nap is one of the best parts of my day, so it's not a bad trapped... just, still ever so slightly draining. If he's restless or taking a long time to fall asleep then my stress level surges almost past the point when we're both awake in the same room together... because, darn it, he's supposed to be sleeping and I can't focus on anything until I know for sure that he is. Save for a few rare exceptions, the only time I feel like I can truly charge my batteries is when I am completely alone.

   In that respect, this has already been the best day I've had in ages. I know I get to go be social, in a way that I am excited about, later.... but this morning? Pure alone fuel. I can blast my music, and I have been, but if I just don't feel like it then I don't feel bad because there's no one here that I feel I have to answer to as to why the option matters if I'm not going to exercise it! And again, 99% of the time I could do the same things I've been doing this morning with no questions, and in fact with the blessing of those people whom I share my life with (and love doing so). But it's just not. the. same. Logical or not.

 Photo by Lindsay Grace Designs - March 2012

   And speaking of exercising options... God, does it feel good to really get into exercising, specifically hooping, again after a semi extended hiatus. As I mentioned in my previous post, I kind of lost motivation for some of my healthy habits when I purged an unhealthy one that had crept up. I didn't trust the actions because my motivations are so capable of, and prone to morphing... into something bad. So I walked on the treadmill here and there, which felt pretty good, but strangely enough I gave up the physical activities that brought the highest level of fun into my  fitness life. I missed my hoop. Today for the first time in months I really let go and got into a rhythm. And it felt like a windows down car ride and great conversation with an old friend in the crispness of early fall... with a spice latte in hand. It was so invigorating and cozy at the same time. I am on a high and can't stop smiling right now. I am so impressed by the marvels of muscle memory... the fact that after spending so much time trying to master a trick going in the opposite direction that comes naturally to me, all it took was a break and a renewed excitement for the activity, the fun of it not the mechanics... and I got it mostly down in under 40 minutes!

   Sorry for gushing. That's not normally me.... but that's what I've got right now. What is fueling you these days? What is your go-to recharge activity? When was the last time you did it?

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