I don't know if I'm admitting something abnormal here or merely joining the ranks of momdom, but I never feel more motherly than when my kid is sick. It's a bit twisted, sure, but something in me takes over, the "to-the-rescue" instinct kicks in... and that particular brand of adrenaline makes me feel more authentically suited to the role of Mom than anything else I have experienced yet. And, I like it. I don't like my kid being sick, but I like what it does to me. How it strips me of my selfish momma tendencies or my worries about what kind of parent other people must think that I am. It's a strange inverse effect that I'm sure doesn't apply to all sickness-related situations... I am sure that there is a level of seriousness at which this inverse relationship between my not knowing what is ailing my son and my sense of competence peeks and collides to where I would end up feeling entirely helpless... BUT those are situations I choose not to mentally delve into without due cause so as not to incite a self inflicted heart attack. As for colds and low grade fevers? Coughs and sore throats? Weird as it is to say I get a "I was made for this" sense of strength feeling that seems to bubble up from somewhere deep inside of me. A place I didn't know existed until these past two years.
Yes, you read that right... Bastian is almost two. TWO. When. Did. That. Happen???? At first I thought that the sickness was what caused the newly found flailing and floor-headbutting skills to come out and play... but the fever has been gone several days now while the "fussies" remain. I put that in quotations because it's a euphemism if I have ever seen one. Try full on rage! Like I have never seen before. The first time it happened was the day after we woke up to furnace boy and hopped in the car immediately to see Dr. SomethingOrOther at the immediate care center... without even taking the time for coffee (nothing makes you feel like a mom quite so much as exhaustion and caffeine deprivation in my book)... Despite being told it was merely a non-strep throat infection, I was convinced my kid was having a seizure! He cried. I cried. He screamed... I did too (unfortunately). Then he began with the wriggling and kicking and headbutting... at the same time he graduated from screaming to full on shrieking....
Really I would rather not recall the incident, but I can't help doing so when he insists on giving me recaps now and again to keep the experience fresh in my mind. That's right. Terrible twos? Totally a real thing. Yesterday? We had a meltdown because now that Mommy has the sore throat and headache from hell, she just wasn't up for sitting out on the porch to watch the rain.
At least I know he's mine... begging to go outside because it's raining rather than the other way around. Something tells me there will be quite a few people reading this entry with mischievous smirks, nodding in that knowing way, because it's not as if I wasn't warned I would get one just like me. And to you I say, you were right...
...and thank God for that.
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