Thursday, June 21, 2012

Schizophrenic Style: Tigers Eyes

   I went shopping for summer clothes yesterday since I shrunk out of just about every warm weather article of clothing that I own. It wasn't the first time, and I'm sure it won't be the last, that I realized just how attached I am to the things I dress myself in externally. How attached I am to the image they project. The beauty they convey. And most significantly the edge. Because apparently in my mind it just isn't detectable sans the proper apparel... I am perpetually scared of being seen as simply sweet. Just a girl. Like the No Doubt song I sang along to at the top of my lungs all throughout high school (and admittedly sometimes still to this day).

   You see, I have always subconsciously equated darkness with depth. Edginess with inherit artistry. The flowers with the most fragrant scents inevitably have thorns. Or so I assume... A botanist I am not. Nor am I a gardener. But the fact remains that I, despite my half-hearted efforts, associate certain aesthetics with substance. And I, as a female, as a twenty-something-year-old, as a writer... have, for as long as I can remember, been on guard against the possibility that I may not be taken seriously. As a person.  

   I am perhaps too serious. That is true.

   Maybe, others taking me seriously should be the furthest thing from my mind... but it never is. As a result it seems I sometimes put far too much importance where it doesn't belong. Forget to infuse the whimsy I so love into my day to day countenance... and my closet. I try, at times to be more haphazard and lighthearted... only to remember that trying in those areas is counterproductive to the objective.

   Thinking about ones intentions to break the habit of overthinking things, is, at the very least, a step backwards.

   Today I don't know which way I am walking. I can't read the road signs through these tired tigers eyes.

Tank tops: Forever 21
Necklace: Thrifted
Bracelet: Target
Shorts: Cut offs from thrift store pants
Sandals: Kohls

BabyDreadlocks C/O my Sister-in-law, Sister and Myself

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