Bent

   I am a believer of the notion that there are people that are naturally hardwired to the negative and others that flow automatically to the positive. Despite society as a whole trending toward the negative, it is often easy to see who has been molded into the negative worldview and who comes by it all on their own. I find it to be far more difficult however to determine accurately who among the positive thinkers are in actuality winning in a battle against their own nature. Maybe it's that I am hardwired to the negative that makes me assume that everyone with a positive attitude comes by it naturally. Or maybe it's that positive that comes as a result of intentional re-framing is sweeter for having seen both sides.

   Don't get me wrong, I always appreciate that jovial mood that flows without prompting on the rare day where things just fall into place. Those brief moments in time when everything suddenly goes your way... or the times when nothing negative seems powerful enough to counteract the sweetness of the life you've been blessed with. But, there is something humbling about the outlook that you had to fight to attain. The gratefulness you had to talk yourself into, but now that it's here it's all the stronger. Stronger because of the intentionality behind it. It could be that, that particular brand of happiness is laced with a sense of pride. A feeling of accomplishment for having gone against the tide.

   This is one of the biggest blessings in my life. A battle that is mine to fight. One that I am sure many, many others share... but still, for each and every one there is something unique in it. Whether the uniqueness be in the obstacle itself or in the reward for overcoming it. Some people share almost identical pain but in their victory over it produce wildly different gifts to share with the world... anything from their smile to a piece of artwork that appears disturbing on the surface but has the power to heal yet another persons pain. Other peoples demons couldn't be more different from each other but in the end their slaying of those demons leads to a similar contribution to society.

   The negative wiring in my brain... the gray filter that hides behind the pupils of my eyes allows me from time to time, to see the flower in the field of weeds. Because they all are the same color to me I am able to pick up on it's other identifying markers rather than dismissing it for it's simplicity. I can sense it's fragrance and am all the more grateful that my impaired vision forced me to look more intently. To overcome my inherent weakness so that I can see something nobody else can see.

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